breastfeeding #2

if you’re reading this right now & you don’t want me to talk to you about boobs…
go ahead & close this out.

all us moms hear it:
breast feeding is a jourrrrneyyyyy.

but it’s not really specified as to what kind of journey it is?
we just assume we’re doing it bc that’s what’s expected of us after the kid is born.
or we assume we’re not doing it bc our moms had issues w/ it, so we probably will too.

& if we’re choosing to breast feed…
then we assume it’s only going to be painful on our breasts…
no one talks about the contracting…
the uterus shrinking back…
our back hurting from hunching over…
wearing bras every hour of the day [i cannot wait to not wear a bra to sleep]…
thinking about feeding/pumping before making plans w/ friends…
planning ahead as to what tools you need to breast feed or pump before leaving the house…
catering your travel plans around what your production is like…
& the list goes on.

not to mention if you’ve done it once, you’re expectation is that the experience will be the same as you’ve had before…
HA!

it’s wild.

the whole concept.

me creating & keeping a child alive INSIDE my body for 9+ months…
& then keeping it alive OUTSIDE my body w/ the stuff INSIDE my body that it just knows how to make?

it’s weird.

then i start thinking about the fact that humans drink animal milk, but we’re animals in some way too but it’s not normal for humans to drink other humans milk but it’s normal for humans to drink animal milk & it’s mind boggling.
[& yes that was run on sentence bc it’s how my brain works].

but anyway…

if you’ve been following my journey through my IG posts or stories, you’ve seen that this time around w/ anderlee has been different than lurayna.

lurayna was easy peasy.
i was lucky…
yes.
i know.

did it hurt & all the things?
yes.
but she was the poster child for nursing until her teeth came in.

at 8 months, she was preferring a bottle
[& so was i… teeth are not ideal for your nipple, amen?]

but i pumped for another 4 months bc my production was still decent.
i got my period 2 months after i stopped nursing her…
& stopped pumping right under 12 months.

it didn’t hurt to stop.
i wasn’t sore or engorged.
it was just natural to stop.

& then this is also when we found out we were pregnant again.

it just all made sense.

but then anderlee came along.

she latched immediately…
my milk came in sooner than it did before…
it wasn’t as painful as i remember it being w/ lulu [but then again…maybe i forgot that part on purpose?]…
it was what i expected it to be from what i remembered.

but then i went back to gigs.
& then i went back to work.
& then by 6 months, she started preferring the bottle.
that’s 2 months ahead of her sister…
& that’s 2 months before i was ready to disconnect from her like this.

initially i thought something was wrong w/ her…
like she was uncomfortable in the positions i had her in, so i switched it up…
i even thought that maybe her spine was out of line due to the accident we had back in december?! [literally, i can analyze anything – try me]…
or that she wasn’t eating from me bc she wasn’t hungry [jokes on me – that kid is always hungry].

but it just was what it was.

i’m here to read my kids cues.
i’m not going to force something.
i want everything i do w/ them to be as authentic as possible…
especially when change can happen organically.

but that doesn’t mean it’s easy.

over that last month (may)…
i came to terms w/ this.
especially w/ the trips we had planned coming up.
but i was concerned about my supply.

but she proved me wrong…

at the end of april, we came back from a 3 day trip where i pumped every 4 hours…
& i figured she’d wouldn’t want me…
& then waaalaaa! the next morning…
she fed!
like she had before?!

what the hell is happeniiiiiing.
THIS ROLLERCOASTER YA’LL.
mom’s… has this happened to you?!

like you come to terms w/ something changing & then…
JUST KIDDING.

gosh, they humble us in more ways than 1.

so now… we were feeding in the morning…
& sometimes all day if i was home.

but if i got 1 feeding in, that was ok.
i was good w/ this.

we had a 5 day trip w/o the girls for my bday
[shout out to virgin voyages cruise lines for being ON POINT]
& my production went down about .5 oz.
but when i got home, it went back up.

we went to italy for 10 days w/o them in june…
my production went down again…
but i kept pumping.
i didn’t let it control my days completely… but i still pumped 3x a day.

& fast forward to the beginning of august where i was only needing to pump in the morning & @ night…

then just in the morning…

[pump views]

SO… it brings me to last week…
the last trip i just took for work…
the 1st tradeshow since andee was born…
& i decided that morning i flew out to vegas was the last morning i pumped.
i went 24 hrs & only pumped 3.5 oz.
not even.

so i didn’t take my pump.

i didn’t miss it.

i didn’t feel full…

until my red eye home 2 days later.

i got home & pumped almost 8 oz.!!
hahahahaha

WHAT ARE BODIES?!

& then guess what?!
i waited 2 days to pump again…

only 3 oz.

?!?!!?!?!!?

so we’ll see what happends?

[my view when i pump tho is really cute]

it’s been 1.5 days since i did…
maybe i’ll pump tonight? or tomorrow morning?

i went 8 months breastfeeding w/ lulu & then another 4 months of pumping.

i know andee is a diff kid.
she’s got her own needs & wants.
she’s at least 2 months ahead of where lulu was at her age!
& i’m at peace w/ the fact that they may be diff than i expect.

sometimes it’s hard.
sometimes it’s exciting.
sometimes it’s overwhelming.

but i’m here for it.

mama’s…
what are some changes your kiddos made over night that you didn’t see coming?
for the good or not so good?

how did you deal/cope?

if anything… take out the fact that every day is different.
so different.
& expectations can just go out the damn window.

love ya’ll.

life updates

oof.
this is my biggest break yet.

everyone says that they take a break from social media bc they’re out there living it…
enjoying it…
can we just normalize saying…
i was just surviving it?

& THAT’s why i haven’t written in more than 2 months.

i was enjoying parts, FOR SURE.

i’ve been all over the place…
[quite literally]…

cliff notes:

april 13-17 tortuga music festival in ft. lauderdale, fl

may 3-7 virgin cruise porting out of miami, fl

may 22-29 cousins wedding & family visit on the farm in illinois where we also buried my dad

june 1-10 friends’ wedding & psuedo honeymoon in lake como & amafli coast, italy

june 22-24 quick trip to see my sister in nashville, tn

that was exhausting just trying to remember…

& i had to say “no” to an earned trip to vegas w/ monat in april…
& to 2 other family weddings that were in july & another in august.

a part of me wishes we could be in 2 places at once…
but also…
no.

in-between these crazy dates & places [which were amazing]…

we were making memories at home w/ our kiddos.

they’re growing up so fast.

so so fast.

lurayna just turned 2.5 & anderlee, 9 months.

it’s wild.

& this age is so fun.
so so fun!

lurayna is talking up a storm.
singing to herself.
dancing everywhere w/ anyone or alone.
she counts to 12 & does her abc’s.
she asks all the questions, says “sorry, what happened?” over & over again & loves to boop your nose.

anderlee is about 3 months ahead of her sister was at this point..
already crawling…
trying to climb her way up the dryer…
the couch…
she loves green beans, eggs & raspberries.
she’s just trying to keep up.

but goodness they’re happy.
they are joy.

lurayna starts school at the end of the month & i’m a puddle thinking about it.

jonny is going to be a mess…
she’s been his little sidekick from day 1…
maybe even his little good luck charm at his showings, open houses & closings her 1st year…

but we’ll write about that experience when we get there.

the biggest thing/challenge i’ve been working on is the:
“what’s next for takara” part.

yes, i’ll always be a mom.

but my creative side has been put on the back burner…
which is ok to an extent.

i’m content right now.

but if you know me, you know i love performing…
i love organizing…
i love helping others…
i love fashion…
i love traveling…

so i’m trying to combine some ideas into something i’ve had on my mind for awhile now…
& actually ppl have suggested i do…

& a few ppl & conversations have solidified them as of lately.

raising 2 kiddos while managing a household & my crazy gig/non-traditional show schedules are a challenge in of itself & def been my priority while we get into the groove of 2 babies.

but now…
knowing we have a good hold on what’s happening & how to juggle it…
the lingering of “what does takara want to do when she grows up?” is a-hoverin’.

like i’ve said before in my past blogs…
i’m not leaving UO…
i love my job.

but i thought after my time dancing & singing in diagon alley, i’d go into production or events.

i thought i’d help produce something.

& maybe i will some day, but that’s not any time soon.

i want to be my own boss.
i want to make my own schedule.
i want to work w/ me & only me [right now only bc i don’t think i could handle a team at this point].
& i don’t want to have a cap on my income.

& i have some ideas.

yes…
this all sounds like monat.
& i still am partnered w/ them!
i love our products & mission.
however…
i’m not passionate about leading a team.
it took me having one to realize i wasn’t good at it nor did i want to be.
that’s the plain & simple of it.

maybe it’s bc i need to work way more on me becoming me before i can lead anyone to do what i do.

either way…
not my thing right now.

anyone else feeling like they’re rebranding themselves?
or like…coming to a “coming of age”?
experiencing another life change?
the pandemic did a number on us all…
& those out there becoming something for the first time [ie: a mom, a business owner, etc.]…
i feel your struggle & celebrate your bravery.

i’m going to sing more.
i’m going to put myself out there more.
i’m going to grow into the “takara i want to be when i grow up”.

i’m excited to get it started…
& when i’m ready… i’m excited to share it & hope that you do too.

if you have any suggestions for me or recommendations for:
podcasts
entrepreneur classes
business ownership start up faqs
etc!..
bring them on! 🙂

i hope you are all doing well.
i hope you take out something positive here…
as i always hope you do.
& i hope you stick w/ me on this next journey.

love you.

mothers day weekend milestones

ready or not, here they come.

for my birthday this year [a week ago], lulu got me something so big…
her talent of climbing out of her crib.

2 years & 3 months old.
we’re officially out of the crib.

cue tears from both jonny & i.

on friday… the new railing came in.
jonny put it up & she loves that she can easily get in & out.

she did so well the 1st night!
she only fussed a little bit at her door but then found her toys…
played for about 45 min & then put herself to sleep!
& has done so great for naps too!

so that was milestone 1.

earlier that afternoon, she was a little fish at the pool.
& she started proving how big she was by climbing up & down the ladder in the deep end [w/ her swimmies].
she’s becoming so independent.
it’s amazing & disheartening all at the same time.
it’s incredible how fast she’s learning from us & from herself…
but the “baby-isms” are fleeting fast.

while she was climbing up & down ladders & out of her crib…
her little sister had her 1st tooth poking out.

sooo milestone 2...

we have anderlee’s first tooth.
which explains the ear pull & the bit of a stuffy nose.
she is chewing on everything & we’re letting her.

which brings me to a very sad milestone 3…

for the 3rd morning in a row…
she’s stopped breastfeeding.
she won’t take me at all.
after many frustrating movements/positions…
spraying milk everywhere on her, me, & her nursery floor & rocking chair…
i think i’m going to take her lead.
i think i have to for my own sanity.

it’s not the way i want to start my day.
we’re fighting before we’ve both really woken up.

& it’s really hard.

7 months & 6 days.

we’ll see how the next week folds out…
but forcing something that may just not be her preference anymore is not something i want to do.

regardless…
i’ll still pump as long as i can to keep my supply up until she’s 1 & can have other milk substitutes.
but oooof… definitely in my feels bc of this.
i’ve been journaling about this journey & may share it eventually,

milestone 4 is really exciting though…

lurayna has been working on her abc’s & can almost do the entire alphabet!
it’s SO COOL.
jonny has been helping her so much these past few weeks & it’s incredible.

not only is she doing her letters but also her number’s!
we’re almost to 10!!

& milestone 5 is tacked onto this…

she’s mocking words more than ever.
[really going to have to watch my sailor mouth now…]

she’s become so much more verbal in the last 3-4 days than i could have imagined.

it blows my mind.

her little mind blows my mind.

it’s so crazy for them to do the expected [aka grow & learn] but some how it’s still unexpected when they do it.

speaking of expectations…

they can rob us of joy, huh?

1 thing i know is that motherhood is full of the expectation to expect the unexpected.

that’s what it’s taught me.

& it’s teaching jonny.

& it’s teaching us both as a couple on a very humble assignment.

we have good intentions.

we have plans.

like the plan he made for us on friday…

resort pass for the hilton orlando purchased for both adults [kids are free]…
alllllllllll the things packed in the car & hiked into the hotel…
discounted parking…
discounted food @ pool bar…
shady spot found by the pool…
we had a blast!
until lulu had a meltdown during her 2nd lazy river experience.
we last a solid hr & a half before we needed to bolt outta there.

was it worth the $75 + tax for the pass, $25 parking & $40 bar tab for only 90 minutes?
not really.

ok.
lesson learned.
these kids need their afternoon nap.
got it.

& then today…
actual mothers day…

we figured we should pack up early to go to the clermont lake front so we can come home early & they can get their afternoon naps!
success is guaranteed, right?

jonny even went to publix last night to get what i wanted for lunch:
an adult lunchable.

packed up the car w/…
tent.
towels.
sand toys.
booster seat.
cooler full of snacks & milk.
waters.
sunscreen.
hats.
change of clothes.

we last an hour.

anderlee had a full breakdown bc she couldn’t get to sleep.
her morning nap wasn’t happening.
so she wasn’t happening.

it was hot.
she was full.
she couldn’t get comfy on a towel in the shade or in my arms.

& then lulu wanted nothing to do w/ shoes on the playground w/ wood particles everywhere.
she wanted to do everything she wasn’t allowed to.

okey doke.
off we go.

so while i stayed in the car w/ 2 screaming children…
jonny packed up the beach stuff that we so meticulously planned to bring to ensure we’d have a great time.

ok.
lesson learned.

just don’t go anywhere w/ kids until they don’t take naps anymore.
got it.

[obviously there is sarcasm here but you get it.]

am i being petty & bratty saying these things?
yep.

but this my blog so shush.

we came home.
put the baby to bed.
lulu had pizza for lunch.
we had our fancy meats & cheeses.

& then bc she was filthy…
we both got in the bath while jonny ran errands.

this weekend has just been so emotional.

from cribs to toddler beds.

from a baby mouth to a first tooth.

from breast feeding to a bottle.

from plans to break downs.

we KNOW all these things will happen…
yet the disappointment of them happening WHEN they happen is still there.

i know lurayna will grow out of a crib, toddler & even twin bed.
doesn’t mean i’m ready for it.

i know anderlee will grow a tooth, have a full mouth of teeth, & not need any milk at all.
doesn’t mean i’m ready for it.

my 1st mothers day w/ 2 & they’re growing faster than i expected.

& then the disappointment i have w/ myself bc i’m so flustered & anxiety ridden is so frustrating too.

but gosh i love being their mom.

i love watching them grow & learn.

i do.

i love this time i get to stay home this weekend & just be here to fuss about their fuss.

i’m trying to breathe in the moments bc i know they come & go.

mom’s…
i hope you’re taking out the moments & capturing them mentally or physically.

i hope you are cherishing every bit of your kids.

i hope your partners are showing you the love & support you deserve & if they’re not… i hope you communicate that to them gracefully.

i hope you’re aware of your amazingness & how thankful we all are you’re doing a very thankless job.

i hope you know that taking off the pepperoni’s so it’s a cheese pizza, taking off the beans on nachos so it can be a plain tortilla chip, or wiping off the dressing from a tomato that’s been in a salad… doesn’t go unnoticed & is appreciated.

you are so loved.

happy mother’s day.

the numbers game

if you’ve been following me for awhile, you’ve seen my numbers fluctuate.
you may not know my numbers, but you’ve seen them change…
the numbers on the tags of my clothes…
& the numbers on the scale.

& again… if you’ve been following me for awhile, you’d know that these numbers used to create my identity.

eating disorders in middle & high school…
obsessively counting calories in college & taking diet pills…
finding my emotional joy in over working out while going through my divorce…
being content w/ my size when performing full time again & then the numbers going up when a new relationship creates happiness.
& then of course… dropping numbers when trying to conquer pcos.

it’s been all over the place.
you can read more about all that here.

while obviously i know many of those times, i was physically “growing up”…
my point is that the numbers on my clothes & on the scale always…
ALWAYS…
had some an effect on me.
ALWAYS…
in a negative way.

it’s why i don’t own a scale.

it’s why i don’t freak out when i have to buy “double digits” in sizes.
[the meltdown i had in 2012 when i went from a size 8 to a size 10 lasted weeks].

is this resonating w/ anyone?

according to my IG poll i took a few days ago…
out of 223 ppl who took it…
96% of that crew…
aka 214 ppl…
feel they’re targeted or triggered by numbers on the tag of their clothes or the numbers on the scale.

isn’t that nuts?

even if 25k+ ppl took that poll…
i bet the percentage would be the same if not very similar.

who created this trigger in our minds about numbers?…
doctors?
models?
fashion designers?
our friends who stand next to us?
our parents?
our coaches or teachers?

it’s wild, huh?

i remember when i first had to buy a size 10 pair of jeans…
i almost didn’t buy anything at all.
i refused for awhile to buy anything that was bigger than what i had.
but i knew that wasn’t realistic…
& loving clothes the way i do…
i know i wasn’t going to be happy w/o clothes in my closet i fit into…
but it also didn’t make me happy to know that the pieces i had to wear now – even if they were cute – were bigger.

i’ve come a long way since 2012.
why? i dunno…
kids?
maturity?
the lack of energy to give af?

don’t get me wrong…
i’m still very aware of how i look…
i have to look at pictures or videos of myself on stage all the time…
yes, we have mirrors but also phones that take pictures & videos of anyone @ ANY time.

shit… i’ve also def come a long way since 2001…
i had my first “boyfriend”…
& that’s when my anorexia started…
it was bc i believed the girl needed to be smaller than the guy like “barbie & ken”.
& bc my bf was a track runner & basketball player…
he was thin.
so i needed to be too…
& more than him.

but bc i was tall…
the numbers on the scale weren’t ever as low as my friends’, nor were they as small as the tags on the clothes we were all going shopping for.

i remember when i grew out of Limited Too before my friends did…
or when i was the biggest size Hollister carried.

or when my bf would want to buy me things & it would never be clothes bc i was too embarrassed about the size of what it’d have to be.
i’d have to tell him that i’d need a 7 or 9 instead of a 1 or a 3.
[remember junior sizes? haha]

8th grade…
12/13 yrs old…
this numbers game starts early, ya’ll.

a few of you have said that this mindfuck started when you were teenagers too.
& some of those same few are in their late 40’s, early 50’s now.
that’s a long time to have our psyche messed w/ based on the number on our clothes & scales!
UGH I HATE IT,

fast forward to now where i, personally, don’t give a fuuuuuuu.

what i care about is my health…
& i know if i’m “over”weight…
my health will not be good.
so THAT’S what i’ll care about.

if i stay the same shape & size i am right now…
i’ve come to terms w/ that.

transparency:
i have no idea what i weigh right now on march 15th…
but january 17th, when i did my weigh in at orange theory…
i was 187.1 lbs.
& i’m a size 8-12, give or take. HA.

i think what bothers me more than my actual size is that i can’t order clothes from the same store or designer as i could pre-baby…
& then i just get pissed bc i want to wear a certain style of short or top & it’s not available in an XL…

which…
what even makes an XL an XL when they’re all different?

bc i’m a M @ target but an XL from shein.

or i’m an 8 in 1 pair of jean shorts & then the other 8 i have in the same brand doesn’t fit?

but look at this…

WHY ARE SIZES SO DIFFERENT EVERYWHERE????

why can’t there be a universal sizing chart?!

doesn’t society knows what this does to our brains?!

one of my besties from college literally just FT’d me after seeing my IG story about this blog & immediately wanted to talk about this challenge.
[1 – i’m honored she was so stoked but 2 – i’m pissed about her story that relates]…

she’s going to be a bridesmaid & after having gone into fittings in order to know which size of dress to order…
1 area of her body fits 1 size & the other parts fit another size…
a smaller size…
so she’s going to have pay an extra $60 to get the bigger size due to that size “needing more material”… for JUST that ONE part of her body…
& then spend god knows how much to alter the rest of the dress & take out the material that is too big!
SO ANNOYING.

another friend of mine reminded me on IG, after my poll, that designers like Ted Baker & Chico invented their own sizing…
1, 2, 3, 4, etc.
is this better?
idk.

it also bothers me that i can’t wear all the clothes in my closet bc I like them…
not bc they’re a certain size.
i really just want to wear my stuff!

yes yes… that is motivation to “lose weight” but also… not.

we should have clothes in our closets that fit us…
we shouldn’t have to fit into THEM.
y’know what i mean?

& don’t get be started on bathing suits.

here are my bathing suits that i just took out of my dresser drawer.
i’m going through them today & picking out what i can still wear w/o the elastic digging into my love handles or back.

ps- i’ve never cared about my bathing suit size bc i want to feel/look good in it & so i have a cheat code…
buy the next size up.
yes they stretch a little & yes they get a little more loose when they get wet BUT…
they fit w/o clinging.
perks of suits w/ string ties is that they can be adjusted.

now, i’m not talking about this for a pity party.
i swear… most of the time ppl don’t read the things i write w/ the photo i attach to it & then i get “oh you’re beautiful… don’t be so down on yourself.” etc…
i’m not!
READ IIIIIT.

i just wanted to write about this open the floor…
to give anyone a chance to chat about it…
to let you know that you’re not alone in your frustrations, aggravations & annoyances.

parents…
i’d love to know how you feel about this & how you’re raising your children in hopes to keep the numbers game away from their concern.
i understand we can only do so much since they obviously are influenced where they go to school, church, extra curricular’s, etc…
but you know what i mean.

raising 2 little humans where numbers could influence their sense of worth is terrifying.

a girlfriend of mine told me she said to her 3 year old daughter the other day:
“oh honey, i don’t think you can wear those anymore! you’re too big for them!”
& she immediately felt self conscious of saying that bc of how SHE was effected when she was younger.
her daughter doesn’t see a problem w/ outgrowing something!
she WANTS to outgrow things bc that means she’s “growing up”…
she’s a “big girl” bc that was always the goooooooal…

& then one day we’re “grown up” & considered a “big girl” & it’s an insult.

GOOD LAWD.
help it make sense.

this soap box is a long one this week.
but i don’t apologize.
this is a sensitive subject.
& this is a safe space.
so if you take out anything from this…
know you & i can chit chat.

love you.

when it rains it pours

did you know morton salt advertisers came up w/ that?
the saying we say when shitty things continue happening to us came from a salt advertisement in the early 1900’s.
yep.
irrelevant to what i thought it really meant.

but it fits.

life lately isn’t about salt… even tho i guess i’m a BIT salty about it?…

i can’t help but have a pity party.

& i was doing so good. 
things were on the up & up. 
it was easy to find the positive in every day. 
my body was getting into shape. 
i went back to work w/ more physical ease than i thought i would. 
i was going to the gym 2-3x a week.
i was going to the chiro 1-2x a week after the accident & massage therapy every other week. 

& now this…

on monday, on my way to a gig at the villages…
literally 2 min away from parking…
i got into another car accident.

haven’t been in a car accident in a decade & i’m in 2 in 2 months…
w/ 1 of them totaling the vehicle we had just purchased 2 months before that!

what is happening??

i’m in the left lane of a roundabout w/ the option to go straight or take it to the left…
the other driver was in the right lane of said roundabout w/ the ONLY option to go straight…

guess what they did?

tried to go left.

& they hit me.

TWO MINUTES AWAY FROM WORK.
smh.

i immediately saw we were fine.
called 911 & they were dispatched & to us w/ in 4 minutes.

they were given a citation as they were at fault.

i went to my gig & was only 20 min late to my 1st set.

[yes, i still went… bc i’m a fucking professional.]

i tried to get out of my head during the gig & succeeded a bit thanks to our audience, my band & the way music heals.

i took back roads home bc my bumper is screwed up & wasn’t sure if going 70mph on the highway was a good idea… especially in the dark.

i cried when i got home & just broke down. went to bed right away & just wanted to start a new one.

i went to work on tuesday & tweaked my right knee in show during our 2nd number of our 2nd show.

i iced it.
i elevated it.

did my 3rd show & it didn’t feel good at all…
went home & continued to ice/elevate.

the next day, did the same thing.
ice.
elevate.

yesterday, i felt good enough for shows.

stretched. warmed up. did the things i was told to do…

the end of the last number of our first show…

i thought my knee was going to give out.

that pain was literally knee buckling.

i finished the show, exited & burst into tears as soon as i got off stage.

besides the pain, i’m frustrated.

so so frustrated.

thankfully, my cast & management was absolutely amazing… lauren helped me down the stairs while also calming me down in the amazing way she can… madi helped me put away my costume… brett assured me everything was going to be fine… & erin carted me over to workmen’s comp.

i’m grateful for that support in that moment.

but… why is this happening?

after everything else that has happened in just the past year?

i started 2022 having my dad pass & ended it w/ a car accident that totaled our vehicle that we had just gotten…

this year, we started it by having to put down our family dog of 16 years & just 2 weeks later i’m in another car accident AND i injure my knee out of nowhere?

& while i’m hobbling around, i’m trying to get ahold of 2 different car insurance companies to file ANOTHER claim…

schedule a doctor appt to get my knee checked out…

schedule my chiropractor appt’s for my 2nd post accident back & neck feels…

& figure out how the hell i’m going to parent a toddler & baby…

& continue singing in my band without dancing…

it’s just a lot to deal w/.

yes, i know things can be worse.

i know i’m fortunate to have car insurance, health insurance & workmen’s comp to help navigate all these challenges… but it’s just one thing after another these days & gosh i’m tired.

i try not to “list” things happening bc it then gets really heavy… like all these heavy things have happened one right after the other.

i know it’s life.

but i’m allowed to not be ok.

i’m allowed to feel overwhelmed, disappointed & frustrated at life even when i have 1,000,000 blessings [i used to think otherwise]…

i’m allowed to believe that, yes, “this too shall pass” but until it does… it really sucks.

you’re all allowed to too.

if you take out anything from this post, please, for the love, know you can vent… in a blog… in a post… to me… to your trustworthy sources… to whoever… vent regardless of how #blessed you are.

& ppl are going to give you advice & even discount your feels… just point your ear the other way. you get to feel however you do, whenever you do.

& when you’re in those feels… don’t hurt yourself… don’t hurt someone else… & don’t stay there.

but feel them.

cry. scream. sing. run. jump. take a long shower. take a nap. go to a coffee shop & sit in silence. read a book. cook comfort food. have sex. watch friends reruns or have a harry potter marathon… these are all my go to’s.

take ‘em or leave ‘em.

i truly hope all of you are having a better week/year than i personally am.

i’m manifesting wonderful things this year… saving $$ for trips my hubby & i deserve… looking forward to seeing family members on the farm & vineyard again & honestly… excited to not be pregnant.

i know things will get better… but right now… i’ll take all the baby giggles, puppy kisses, toddler snuggles & hubby hugs i can.

love you.

transition

at the end of a year or the beginning of a new one.
we reflect, right?
hint: “reflection” was my last posts’ title.

& the more i thought about titling this one…
the same word came to mind.
but in a different way.
bc the reflection led to different thoughts of different things.

my dad’s officially been gone a year now.
a whole 365 days.
it’s surreal.
& i hate it.

& the more i thought/think about him…
the more i remember the legacy so many knew him as:
an incredibly talented pianist, a brilliant musician, a hilarious jokester & energetic performer.

he made a living doing what he loved to do.
& that example is so important to me.
& to my sister too.

my “reflection” on him lately has made me look in the mirror…
it’s made me think about the “where do you see yourself in 1… 2… 5… 10 years.
& those thoughts are terrifying, right?
& i honestly try not to think about them bc not only do they freak me the fuck out…
they put an expectation on my time.

not that goals aren’t important.
they are.
& it’s necessary to move forward…
to get better…
to be better.

but if i don’t make “x” happen in that 1… 2… years (etc)…
then did i fail?
no.
but that’s how we sometimes feel, yeah?
transitions are hard.
but needed.

anyway…
it’s only jan 25 of the new year & here’s what i’ve been up to:

personal:

daddy – we weren’t sure what we wanted to do in order to remember him…
everything seemed cliche or just not something we felt was right.
so mom & i went to breakfast the morning of just as we did the morning he passed.
it was weird.
it was hard.
but it was good.
andee was w/ us & that created the blessing that was in disguise the entire mourning time.

we went through photos & video of the time in the hospital in his last days…
some my mom hadn’t seen bc I didn’t want to hurt her more than she already was.

we went through photos of his services…
& remembered all the ppl that were there for us.
our circle is incredible & we couldn’t have dealt w/ everything we had to if it hadn’t been for our ppl.
the amount of family that flew down in only a few days notice…
just…
it’s incredible.

we’re so grateful.

his health brings me to my health…

health – many know i love my orange theory fitness classes…
so after contemplating for a few weeks…
i chose to hop on board my their “transition challenge”.
& it’s been a challenge just to get up & go to the classes (3x a week! i MAYBE went 2)…

in the past…
i don’t take fitness “challenges” or goals lightly.
i’m pretty cut throat.
i go balls to the wall & cut things out cold turkey bc i’ve always had an end game in mind…
a goal for a reason.

an event of some sort…
like a show i’m the lead in…
my wedding…
to get pregnant…

this time…
there’s no “end game”.
i’m only keeping myself accountable to get back into shape to where i feel strong again…
i don’t want to be sore after every hayfire show…
i don’t want to be sore after I wake up in the morning…
etc.

i’m cutting out dairy, gluten, soy & processed sugars again…
just as i did when i was first diagnosed w/ pcos.

HOWEVER…
while my hormones are going crazy w/ postpartum shit…
breastfeeding…
& this lifestyle…
i’m not going to be super strict like i was.

i’m going to have a cupcake at my daughters 2nd birthday…
i’m going to have bbq at a corporate event I’m hired to sing at…
etc.

i’m doing this as a lifestyle.
not until i accomplish an event or “end game”.

it’s what makes me feel good & it’s good for ME.

if you’re looking for a way to feel better…
i can def talk to you about my ways & introduce you to a health coach…
but what is good for me & what works for me doesn’t fit everyone else. 🙂

van – it’s been a nightmare.
from insurance to medical claims…
to chiropractor & massage therapy appointments…
from dealerships to rental cars…
it just has not been fun… at all.
BUT, as you may have saw!…
jonny found a good deal in jacksonville & we went up yesterday & got it!
super easy & so grateful to be DONE.

professional:

universal – i was supposed to be back jan 22…
but bc of the car situation…
i needed another few weeks.
i go back into rehearsals next week & i’m looking forward to working w/ my diagon fam.

hayfire – we played at blake shelton’s place, “ole red”, last weekend & it was truly a core memory that was made.
i cannot begin to tell you how much fun was had AND how much support i am so so overwhelmed to have received.
my community showed UP & it was insane.

some work is proving to pop up bc certain companies from my community of professionals have finally gotten a taste of what we produce & that is really really cool.
the band is GOOD.
really good.
& it’s awesome to see future opportunities present themselves so we can finally level up. 🙂

on top of that excitement…
we’ve been really busy rehearsing (for the 1st time ever) for our newest project: American Honey – A Tribute to Lady A.
our first show is next weekend & tickets are still on sale here! 🙂

i’m so excited to see where this band & these projects go.
feeling good to be surrounded & supported by so much talent.

monat – i’m still representing it!
it’s been wonderful for me & others…
my customers & i are seeing a difference in our hair & skin & that’s what i’m here for.
& whether it’s been an extra check every week or a chance to helps others find solutions for their issues…
or the amazing community of women i work w/…
it’s been pretty great.
i take my 2nd earned trip in april w/ them again!

so i guess i update you all for a few reasons…

1. bc i know some ppl are curious & we’re all too busy to have 1:1’s w/ each other.
2. bc i have career ideas up my sleeve & in my head that i’m toying w/.
3. bc i want to look back at this post & remember when i was in the middle of transitions.
   

transistions are weird.
i almost always feel them coming…
but i never know what.

it’s the same way right now…
i know something is on the midst of change but I’m seeking clarity & wisdom to figure out the “what”.

i may even seek your help as my readers & friends to see if some of the ideas I have have use!

how do you deal w/ transitions?
reflections?
life changes?

has anything changed thus far this year for you that you saw coming or maybe didn’t?

what i’m taking out of this weeks’ post are these quotes:
“Transitions in life can offer opportunities for discovery.” – Robbie Shell

“When shifts and transitions in life shake you to the core, see that as a sign of greatness that’s about to occur.” – Anonymous

i hope that if you’re going through transitions right now, they are liberating, fun, & something you want.

i’m here if you wanna talk through them… lord knows i wrote a novel to talk through mine!

love you.

reflection

it’s been a year.
& w/ how busy it is around the holidays… it’s hard to find time to reflect.
especially after a car accident that happens days before the year ends & a new one begins.

yep.
car accident.
neither one of us have been in an accident in 5+ years & here we are…
1 month into having a brand new vehicle for our family…
& boom [literally]…
we got hit.

we were heading to meet his family for a late dinner on wednesday night [12/28] & w/ traffic the way it was…
our gps was having us turn onto a back road to get to the restaurant.
we’re around the disney area so you know how that looks..
we instantly want a short cut.

we’re in the traffic line w/ those who are waiting for the light & it’s only 1 lane going both ways.

the lane we’re in is curved to the right where you can’t see but only a few cars ahead of you.
which also means you can’t see oncoming traffic.

but w/ patience we realized we were clear…
until we weren’t.

a car must have been the 1st one to get the green light coming from the opposite direction bc they were the 1st car to be seen w/ in minutes…
& w/ in .5 seconds, they hit us as we were turning left.

they had time to slam on their breaks…
skid & swerve.

the front right side of their car hit the right side of ours.

as you can see in the pictures, the majority of the impact was to our tire well.
which saved a lot of what i don’t want to even imagine.

i was in the passenger seat but had just turned around to lurayna [sitting behind drivers seat] to help her take her sock off that she was fussing about [#toddlers]…
& then i hear honks…
spin around immediately…
see headlights coming at me…
& the car jolts.

as everyone says who’s been in a car accident…
“it happened so fast.”

they came out of nowhere.

they were flooring it since there wasn’t a car in front of them.

& they hit us.

jonny immediately checks on us girls…
i say i’m ok…
i check myself…
i’m already in pain but not bleeding & completely coherent.
i unbuckle my seatbelt & kneel to on my seat to reach the girls…

they’re not even crying [which makes me cry just thinking about it]…
they’re completely fine.

lurayna is scared…
you can see it in her face.
she doesn’t know what just happened & her mommy is crying & hyperventilating.

anderlee had been asleep & the hit woke her up.
but she was completely fine.

thank GOD.
thank GOD.

i turned back around & call 911 while jonny tries to get us out of the road.

the accident happened right in front of the crossroad of the street we were trying to turn down so i knew exactly where to tell them we were.

while on the phone w/ 911, the driver of the other vehicle comes up jonny’s window & starts cussing him out…
“i can’t believe you fucking did this to me, man!”
“how could you put your family in danger like this?!”
“you’re an idiot! how could you do this to your kids?!”

we role up the window & say nothing.
i was so proud of how cool & calm he was bc i was NOT OK.

i had a full blown panic attack after I got off the phone.
it’s like I had my shit together to talk real talk & then when the phone call ended & the ppl who needed to know where we were & how we were were done taking notes…
i fell apart.

i couldn’t believe this.

days before the hardest year of my life ends…
days after just getting the family vehicle we had saved for months for & driven 1 car for months for…
4 minutes away from the restaurant we’re meeting his family at after they had just driven 14 hrs to see us…
2 months after we just put a car seat on that side of the vehicle…

it was just all unbelievable.

& not only is jonny completely devastated that he was the one driving…
now he has the other driver [who was fine as well] spewing terrible things at him in front of myself & his kids…

it was a nightmare.

the witnesses & close traffic around us all got out to try & help get us off the roads but we couldn’t budge.
our tire was completely off track & gone.
theirs was totaled, for sure.

once OCPD & the paramedics got there, they checked on us.
& once they saw we were all ok, they started sweeping the road so traffic could start again.

bc we were on 1 lane, i’m sure ppl were getting pissed.
but whatever.

thankfully, like i said above…
our fam was at a restaurant literally minutes away.

my SIL came & picked the girls & i up & took us home once we could leave.
jonny had to stay back for the police.

no citation was made.
we have mixed feelings about this…
but anyway.

once the cops & the paramedics left…
the driver of the other vehicle & his buddies started saying shit again to jonny…
“I’m gunna come over there & kick your fuckin’ ass!” & etc.

jonny called his brother & BIL [@ the restaurant] & they came ASAP.
insurance information was changed.
& everyone was fine.

again…
THANK GOD.

i don’t need my car totaled AND my husband jumped.

turns out the other driver was borrowing the car…
we think this dude was like mayyyybe 21…
but again…
anyway…

the most important thing is that we are ok.
we’re fine.
besides my bruises…
literally everyone is ok.

we went to the chiropractor yesterday & got examined.
bc i was twisted towards the back when the impact happened…
i have some pretty decent rough patches to work through…
butttttt thankfully jonny & lulu only had a little inflammation & andee is absolutely perfect. 🙂

THANK GOD.

i titled this “reflection” & not “car accident” bc…
1) i don’t care about “click bait” &
2) the beginning of this year made us reflect after losing my dad & then all of sudden god thought we needed another experience to have us reflect before the year ended? [assumption as of now]

stuff can be replaced.
the van will be fine.
it was towed to toyota where they can work on it immediately.

our car insurance is the shit & is taking care of us.

we already have a rental & it’s an upgraded version of our van.
[however, it’s maroon & i hate red cars but my reasons are irrelevant & unimportant.]

& we are… all… ok.

this year has been so hard.

so so hard.

between losing my dad…
my best friend.
my personal accompanist…
my sarcastic comedian…
my biggest supporter…
my daddyo…

to getting pregnant again & having a tough, florida summer pregnancy…

to having another baby & it coming w/ identity challenges about careers & next steps…

to struggling w/ body dysmorphia again & finding grace…

to working on new relationship dynamics w/ my sister & mom…

to working through new challenges w/ my husband…

to parenting 2 children under 2…

to getting into a car accident before we even have our 1st payment on it…

the list can continue…
& prove that this year was really really hard.

but as i reflect…
the reminder i have is that we’re all ok…
that things could be worse…
they can always be worse…
but they always have lessons…

lessons that we survive…
lessons that we deal…
lessons that prove we make it through…
lessons that make for good stories & lessons for someone else…
lessons that god has us & that he is good.

if you take anything out of this week… take out this…

regardless of how you rang in the new year…
I hope you take time to reflect on lessons & experiences from the past one…
& apply it to make the new one the best it can be.

yes… some things are out of our hands…
lots of things in life we can’t control…
but many we can…
& one of them is our outlook…

& while we need to feel our feelings…
be “in them”…
we have to continue.
we have to move forward.

bc as this new year proves…
time keeps going.
& new years keep happening.

love ya’ll.
happy 2023.

hard holidays

when you think of the word “holidays”, what other words align w/ it for you?

for me:
tradition
nostalgia
music
church
snow
colorado
christmas lights
disney
family

all of those words have my dad in them.

& w/ this 1st holiday season w/o him, it’s a bittersweet one.

we are happy he’s no longer in pain.
we’re joyful to have another baby added to our family.
we are thankful for health.
we’re grateful for the blessings.

but we’re sad he’s not here to share them.

we miss him.
a lot.
we hate that he’s not here to meet the new baby.
we’re sad he’s not here to make new memories w/ us.

we’ve done a lot of christmastime activities already…

a christmas concert starring one of my best friends in voctave…
he would have absolutely loved watching & listening to the orchestra & the very impressive vocals…
he would have been beaming w/ pride for ej & the rest of the group.

but our 1st tradition of the season we did yesterday:
candlelight processional at epcot.
& that was tough.

we went last year together.
we pushed him around in his wheel chair & lulu in her stroller…
side by side.
they held hands all around the world.

he fed her while we listened to the narrator tell the christmas story…
even tho he was in so much pain.

even tho he knew it would have been easier to stay home on his couch or in his bed…
it was important to have this tradition & make it happen.

it breaks my heart knowing now – but not knowing then – that it would be our last one w/ him.
at that point, we would have less than a month here w/ him.

epcot yesterday was fun.
the weather was perfect up until candlelight, actually.

low 70’s.
overcast.
not too humid.

& then it started raining during candlelight & we actually had to leave a few songs before it ended.
we were bummed we couldn’t stay for the hallelujah chorus…
but we heard “rejoice w/ exceeding great joy“…
one of his favorites.

& while only jonny was familiar w/ the celebrity narrator, daddy would have been so excited to see them too:
the famous baseball player, cal ripken jr.

it was emotional to hear the choir filled stage sing songs he used to play & conduct at church…
or even accompany when us, as his daughters, would sing.

it’s tough.
we knew it would be.

so if anything this weekend…
please take out that if you’re feeling sad this holiday season…
if you’re feeling bittersweet bc there is something or someone missing this holiday season…
if you’re not even really feeling “in the spirit”…
you’re not alone.

do things that will make you healthy & happy.

are you one to start a new tradition?
make something part of this seasons “to do” list?

i’m not sure if it will become a new tradition…
but instead of having christmas morning at my parents house…
it’ll be at mine.

all the same foods will be made & cooked.
but it’s just a change of scenery that’s necessary this year.

yes it’s hard to imagine him not here for christmas morning…
watching lulu open her gifts or andee playing on her activity mat…
or him taking FOREVER to open 1 damn gift bc he just liked to drive us crazy by taking his sweet ass time in ripping the wrapping paper…

but it’s even harder to see his “spot” on the couch not being occupied by him.
or look at the piano & not see or hear him playing “too loud” (according to my mom).

we cherish the memories.

i hope you do the same.
we never know when they’re the last ones being made.

find the good.
find the joy.
& be present.

happy holidays & merry christmas.

more room

i feel like i always start my blogs w/ “it’s been awhile”…
but it has.
it’s been like…
more than a month.

which… btw…
is INSANE.
andee’s going to be 8 weeks tomorrow & i don’t know what to think about it.

that’s kinda where i’m going w/ this post this week…
i don’t know what to think about a lot of things so here are some updates!

i’m back w/ the band & that’s been wonderful.
i get my “me” time in the car.
most of the time it’s in silence or if i remember…
it’s listening to MFM…
sometimes tho… i’m so spaced out i don’t even realize spotify is still playing the lion king soundtrack. HAHA.

thanksgiving was really good…
mom hosted.
it was myself, jonny, the girls & my parents’ best friends holly & grangie.
it was super chill & the girls actually napped while we ate.
what a miracle.

slowly but surely, i’m getting back into my groove of my business, going to the gym, keeping up w/ laundry [omg it never stopssssss] & trying to stay in touch w/ my ppl.

& that’s a segway to the next thought lately…
my ppl.
gosh i miss them.
i like… mourn the time we could just do an impromptu happy hour or night out…
or when i could go to local theater whenever someone else wanted to go so we’d both have someone to go w/…

now?
everything has to be planned out like…
4 months in advance.
last month, i booked my birthday [may] so i could have “my ppl” there.

that’s SIX months in advance.

& while i love this chapter of my life…
it’s making me wonder about so many things!

i feel change again.
& the last time i felt this…
i was pregnant for the 1st time w/o knowing it yet.

i feel like work is going to make a move.
it’s either my work or jonny’s work.
& our latest saying to each other is that “we’re in the chapter of upgrades”.

upgrading our life in the ways we can & should.

we were sharing 1 car for 2 months.
we saved & got a hybrid minivan.

we had been using jonny’s portable washing machine since we moved in together 5 years ago, along w/ a 1990’s dryer.
we saved & got a brand new set that can actually wash a REAL “large” load.

we had been watching TV w/ 1/2 of the bulbs out on 1 side to the point we couldn’t read the “menu” on any streaming service.
we saved & got a new one that we can see perfectly clear on.

& other things like…
getting organizers for our closet to make use of empty space…
organizing the garage & donating a bunch of good stuff to those who can use it better than we can…

we’ve been working really hard.
& i think the “playing catch-up” from the pandemic is finally going away.

& that’s a huge relief.
a weight, if i may say.

i’m thankful.

but the weight i’m feeling now is that change is coming & i don’t know what it is.
i pray it’s another upgrade that we need or desire.
or if it’s not…
i pray & manifest that it’s a good one.
there’s more room for more room.
there’s more room for change & upgrade.

i am seeing so many ppl in my life doing the damn thing.
they’re truly thriving & i am SO happy for them…
friends starting companies…
friends traveling again for work…
friends having more babies…
friends killing it on reality TV talent shows…
friends performing all over the place for the holidays…
friends quitting the work they’re miserable at…
friends retiring…
friends negotiating better pay…
friends buying new pets…

i love seeing it all!

but it keeps me thinking…

most of the time i do most of my best thinking while trying to fall asleep.
anyone else??
which is SO convenient when also stressing about how i should be asleep instead of having my mind go a million miles a minute.

there have been times where i’ve gotten out of bed…
or just not gone to bed w/ jonny bc i needed to write.
but lately…
sleep is the priority.

speaking of sleep…
here’s a great “rejoice”!…
andee is now sleeping through the night & if she’s not…
she’s self soothing & putting herself back to sleep.
we’re so thankful she’s sleeping as good as her sister does!
[ps – mama’s… if you want our method… holler]

bc of this…
& bc i’m back w/ the band…
she’s also in her crib.

i’m not as sad as i was w/ lulu when we put her in her crib.
she was about 8 weeks too…

this time i’m just so proud.
i’m proud of my girls but i’m proud of us.
parenting is hard.
parenting is hard.
& parenting is hard.

& then you add relationships to the mix.
your marriage.
your family.
your loss of family.
your friends.
your work.
yourself.

it’s a crazy ride.

blessed to have those in my life who have stayed & continue to while changes keep coming & will continue to.

one of those lives in mine is one of my best friends; kristine zwick of curated dry goods.
you’ve seen me talk about her before.
you’ve also seen me talk about her artwork before [lulu’s nursery, my baby shower invites, fashion shirts/bags/handkerchiefs, etc)
well she shared her heart & art w/ us again…
anderlee’s nursery.

it’s stunning.
after 3 mock ups, we solidified colors & florals.
& she completed this… start to finish in 1 day.
INSANE.
her talent & heart are incomparable.
we’re so thankful.
we’re so impressed.

but not only is she talented…
she’s raw, transparent & open to sharing her process which i have always found refreshing, relieving & entertaining.
art comes from somewhere inside the person making it.
it’s thought out.
it’s felt out.
kristine has so much wisdom from her experience in the art & fashion world & she’s sharing it w/ the world!
you can watch her magic here, every week.

[parent tip from jonny’s mom: box fan for cancelling out house noise!]

I hope you each take out a little something from this.
if you’re also feeling change. channel it.
if you’re feeling motivated. go w/ it.
if you’re feeling intimidated. don’t believe it.
if you’re feeling sad. feel that but don’t stay there.

love you. mean it.

it takes a village

parents have always said: “it takes a village” & i didn’t really GET THAT until we had our 2nd daughter.

bc holy cow wow.

between cluster feeding the new baby on the hour for 15-20 min at a time while the toddler is climbing on anything she can…
or trying to squeeze into little spaces as best she can (that she can’t get out of on her own)…
to keeping up w/ laundry & remembering to eat…
to fixing said things to eat while also fixing the toddler food while she throws it on the ground for the dog to eat…
yknow… while the baby wants to eat… AGAIN.

w/ the hurricane that just hit our west coast & anderlee not budging, we weren’t sure when she was going to arrive…

& that made my mother in law’s flight get cancelled & us unsure when she could make it down.

thankfully it all worked out wonderfully & my MIL was here for a few days before i was induced.
we got to spruce up the house & run last minute errands before the baby arrived…
while also having 1:1 time w/ lurayna.

she stayed w/ us for 2 weeks & was more of a help than i can find words for.

she cooked.
she baked.
she bought us milkshakes.
she picked up toddler toys more than 3x a day (bc half the fun is getting them out again, right?).
she took care of the dog & the toddler while we were in the hospital.
she entertained a very busy girl.
she made sure i had ice water by my side when i started breast feeding.
she was ready for all the baby anderlee cuddles & burping while i snuggled lurayna.
she helped organize & make us lists of to-do’s when our minds were mush.
she changed diapers.
she encouraged, prayed & shared her expertise.

i don’t know how we would have gotten through the first 2 weeks w/o her.

my mom was there at the hospital, ready to do food runs.
even if it was just for dessert or coffee.
she was there for breathing w/ me.
teaching me ways that worked for her.
helped communicate w/ the nurses & jonny when i was in my own world when in labor.
she made 4 different types of soups to freeze for us.
along w/ 3 different types of breakfast casseroles.
she volunteers to have sleep overs w/ lulu.
she extends her time & drives countless times up to us while dealing w/ rush hour traffic & tolls to help us.
so thankful she’s nearby & now retired!

my sister flew down to be here from nashville for baby snuggles.
she had a sleepover w/ lulu so we could get situated w/ the new baby.
baked us brownies to munch on (most of the ones i inhaled were for breakfast)
& even sent us $$$ for our first “dinner out” which we had delivered to the hospital after anderlee was born (ya’ll… cheesecake factory is still reeeeally good delivered).

my sister in law let us borrow her 7 passenger vehicle while we’re working w/ just 1 of ours so we could go take newborn photos in tampa & then ordered us pizza so no one had to cook after such a long day.

my nieces & nephew are the biggest helpers & best babysitters for lurayna.
she literally follows them everywhere which gives jonny & i a break from telling her “no” or trying to distract her every time she gets into something she’s not supposed to at their house. smh.
luckily their dogs don’t mind sharing their cage beds. haha

our best friends ej, linds, mikey & david had a beautiful bouquet delivered when we got home from the hospital.
it made me smile & look forward to the time we would have soon to share the newest addition!

our best friends thom & kathryn visited all the way from jacksonville from performing in a show to spoil us w/ bucees treats, champagne, donuts & apple fritters + very sweet presents for the girls.
it had been way too long since we had seen them (december 2021 to be exact).
it was so wonderful catching up!

our friends erin & greg came over & visited while also bringing me homemade lactation treats (they’re so yummy… need to get the recipe from her so i can share).

& last but definitely not least…
my best friend, ale, organized an online “sprinkle” back in august where friends placed “bets” on when anderlee would be born… the person who was closest to her arrival would win half of the pot!
every person who placed a bet donated money to help pay for the most expensive item on our registry: our dual stroller.
& w/ their help & contributions…
AND the VERY generous gift of the winning half given by my girl, ashlyn…
we were able to get it!!
SUCH a blessing!!

so many ppl donated & contributed to make this gift possible & we are so so thankful.
we take walks almost every day & wearing andee was so hot.
now we can take them together wherever!
i’m just so excited!!

not to mention the sweet gifts we’ve received via amazon that have helped us complete the nursery & needs we’ve had for baby #2.
the diapers & wipes we can’t get enough of.

it takes a village.
& i will be happily & gratefully writing thank you cards to each of you. (it may just take awhile bc the toddler wants everything i have).

if you don’t see us out & about…
or you invite us out & we don’t come…
know that we still love you.
we just have a toddler & newborn now. haha

the grace i’m learning to give myself…
the patience i’m learning to have for my toddler & just… life…
the imposter syndrome i’m pushing out of my mind…
the “i got this” thought i’m reminding myself of…
it’s all happening…
1 day at a time.

so if you’ve made it this far…
i hope whatever you’re going through…
whether it’s new or old…
you take out this little tid bit.
give yourself grace…
patience takes work…
& your life thus far has proven that you’ve got this.

& when you need help.
ask for it.
it’s ok if it takes a village.
you’ve got one for a reason.