Month: June 2021

boss babes

TakaraLeave a comment

i can’t believe it!!
it’s been a full year since i’ve been writing!
tomorrow will be 365 since i 1st started this little blog & i can’t thank you enough for going through this crazy journey w/ me.

if you’re new…
welcome!
if you’re type A like me & you have to start from the beginning of anything… go for it! haha!

this week, i’m psyched.
there is not much that i love more than witnessing the ones i love workin’ hard & succeeding.
esp when they’re women.
it’s our girl code… or at least part of it…
women supporting women.
us being the best cheerleaders for other gals’ success.
rooting for each other!

i had the pleasure to be surrounded by boss babes this week.
& if i wasn’t physically surrounded by them…
i was having lots of communication w/ them via email, zoom, IG or even linkedin!

being surrounded by women who are doing the damn thing is so inspiring.

as you know, i shared that i was feeling change coming on in last weeks post.
by the end of the week, i was actually overwhelmed!
but in the best way.

this year is full of change, not just for me, but for others.

our country…
well…
world…
is trying to get back to “normal” & things are finally opening back up w/ opportunities.

this is the time to try something new.

this is the time to fucking DO something.

i saw this quote yesterday:

i don’t want to scare you w/ this…
i know this message may seem intimidating.
but hear me out.

we take care of ourselves better than anyone else could.

WE are the only ones who know what will make us truly happy.

WE are the only ones who can actually do something about it.

i was on a zoom call this past week & this quote stood out to me from someone on my team:
“choose your ‘hard’. it’s hard to live a life you don’t like but it’s also hard to work for a life you want.”

gold.

what is something that you’re getting out of this new “opening” of the world?

are you realizing you love where you are?
are you realizing you want new?

a friend of mine & i were looking at co-star & the pattern yesterday & pretty obsessed w/ the energies happening in this world this week.

star charts & zodiac info may not be something you believe in, for this message can be relevant, regardless.

how good is that?!

I FEEL IT.

i think i’m realizing in this inner growth i’m having that i want to help ppl.
i want to be someone’s biggest cheerleader.

will that be forever on the entertainment industry?
no clue.

but i know i want to help ppl.
i want to give opportunities to those who want it & are ready to work hard for it.

but i don’t know what that means.

so while i soul searching…
i’ll continue hanging out w/ my boss babes…

[we drove up to gainesville to see a friends cabaret before she moves to nyc. she’s finished w/ grad school & goin to conquer the big apple!]
[my best friend from high school is going places (& she’s been places too) & i cannot wait to see what this next year brings for her vision & creation!]

& on top of hanging out w/ these queens this week…
i was asked to be part of a photoshoot that a friend of mine was producing w/ her wedding planning event company: p.s. i love you productions!
while i would love to be paid to wear wedding dresses & gowns all the time
(no truly… i would LOVE that)…
i loved this shoot even more than the norm.

  1. because it was crazy cool to put a skin tight wedding dress on 4 months postpartum
  2. i got to work w/ my friend, greg, from vmp photography (they did my maternity shoot from this post)

but also…

3. because it was inspired by she-ra; the princess of power!

i can’t wait to see her vision come to life & what the end product looks like that will represent powerful women & our city beautiful!

this week has been overwhelming, yes.
which brings emotion.
but through it all, i am so fortunate to cling onto bad ass boss babes for help.

this year of writing has been so therapeutic for me.
i hope it’s helped you in some way, shape or form too.

i had no idea what i was getting myself into nor did i realize the transparency many of us need from others to not feel so alone in this wild ride of life, hormones, mommy-ing & working.

so thank you.
thank you to anyone who helped me stay me while growing…
through hugs, tears, encouragement, life chit chats, zoom calls, IG live testimonials, road trips, baby care, meme’s, introductions, prayers & affirmations.
thank you.

& ya’ll…
if you can take out anything, take away this…

that there is no force equal to a woman determined to rise…
that a strong woman looks a challenge in the eye & winks at it…
& that anything a woman believes she can do…
she fucking will.

manifesting

TakaraLeave a comment

i pray.

& lately i’ve been feeling change in my prayers.

i’ve been feeling like i’ve been asked to ask for an open mind…

as of God is just working on my comfort zone.

i don’t have anything to say about it.

i have no idea what is happening in my life… but i’m excited about it.

i’ve been manifesting the shit out of my future.

whatever He’s got for me, i’m ready.

i know i’ve talked a bit about how i know i won’t be a singer/dancer forever & it’s scary thinking that.

i love what i do. i love my comfort in what i do. i love the smiles i bring to peoples faces w/ what i do.

do i feel change in my career? kinda.

do i feel change in my personal life? kinda.

but whatever it is…

i’m ready to work hard & play hard… hustle… help people… provide for my family… have fun… travel again… & share all the ins & outs of whatever this testimony is gunna be!

[remembering the feeling i had at the “happy place” in vegas. manifesting this “happy” to be my “place” always!]

not much to say this week, but i just want to inspire you to be open minded…

take out the fact that if you’re not happy in whatever… work, personal, health… whatever!…

you can change it.

you’re the only one that can change it.

you’re worth the change.

& you’re so so capable of amazingness!

too sensitive

TakaraLeave a comment

ever feel like you’re overreacting to something?
or better yet…
you’ve been told you ARE overreacting to something?

if so…
did you immediately get defensive?
did you think about it from someone else’s perspective?

there have been times where i’ll back up after a situation & think “i took that wayyyy too literal” or “i took that wayyyyy too seriously”.

there have also been times where i don’t think that at all.
that i took it the way i took it & i’m not apologizing for it.

but the thing is…
but the beeeeeauuuutiful thing is…
communication is a wonderful thing!

i decided to chit chat about this bc of something that was said to me last weekend at a gig.

a woman who comes to our gigs most of the time at this specific venue came up to me & said:
“you’re looking good.”

it was monotone.
it wasn’t impressive.
it wasn’t like a cheerleader hype like: “omg girl, you’re looking so good!”
yknow what i mean?

& while i immediately said “thank you, i appreciate it”, i also was also immediately thinking:
“wtf does that mean?”
“do i not look good yet?”
“is there a specific way i should look after having a kid 4 months ago?”
“am i on my WAY to looking good?”

i got defensive about it.

& while i truly am confident in my own skin right now…
it was ridiculous how much in my head i was about it.

i talked about it live on my IG story & even took a poll as to if i was being too sensitive (72% of my followers said i was NOT being too sensitive).

i also mentioned that high waisted everything will always be my go-to bc fuck belly buttons & their necessary purpose for ever showing in fashion again.

WHY ON EARTH DID WE EVER WEAR LOW RISE JEANS?!
(bc britney did, that’s why)

yes, postpartum hormones could be the reason for defense rage…
buuuuuuut…

if we just knew how to compliment each other w/o ever having the receiver of said compliment ever 2nd guess the intention…

THAT’D be ideal.

i was curious if i had been the only one to really feel defensive or any kind of negative from a comment about my body postpartum…

aka what other moms out there wanted to punch someone in the face too?

here are some examples from girlfriends of mine… & some are just awful.

“a lot of people commented on how good i looked after pregnancy/ birth & would make a really big deal about it because i had just had twins & like it was some amazing thing i accomplished when in reality all i did was give birth 2 months early. it was really awkward for me to reply because i lived in the hospital 30 days after giving birth & it was really hard. i didn’t want people to praise me for “not looking like i just had a baby” i just wanted to be w/ my babies.”

“a friend just told me that i probably didn’t bounce back because i was older.”

“‘wow, i didn’t remember how skinny you were before you were pregnant.’ while probably meant as a compliment, it just made me realize how large i was pregnant.”

“i had someone pat (like you would a child’s head after they’ve done something well) my 4x post c-section shelf (for those who don’t know, yep! C-section mommas have a shelf/pouch above their incision scar & scar tissue that has zero feeling & never goes away) & tell me that ‘it’s okay, they’re worth it.’ 😳 wtf.”

“i had the WORST interaction w/ a friend of a friend that looked at my 24 week old belly & said “you barely look pregnant, why are you so excited?” during my pregnancy. i wanted to chuck her into the lake 🙃🙃🙃.”

“honestly when people tell me that i look like i’ve already lost all the baby weight i’m like ‘ummmm no I haven’t!! i was def not this big before!!!’ lol, but also i want people to tell me i look good. so idk if there is any winning honestly 😂.”

“‘you look good……….for having 4 kids.’ WHAT DOES THAT MEANNNNNNNNN?!?!?!! literally hear it multiple times a month still & every time i want to be like- ‘nah girl- i look good. Period.’”

“my favorite is ‘oh she’s working on that snap back, almost there!’ like… i’m sorry what timeline are you operating on? almost there? i’m 3 months pp, i could have lost 0 weight & i’d still be valid. i can’t stand it. why comment at all.”

“anytime i lose a few pounds since having my son, i have been congratulated or told how great i look now. as somebody who struggled/struggles w/ an ED, this has been the absolute worst! i’m glad you’re talking about this!”

“‘you look great for just having a baby.’”

“someone at church asked me ‘so when are you due again?’ my response was… ‘4 months ago 🥴.’”

“oh the best one is from my mother… she said ‘now we just need to get your body back’… i was like stitched all the way up my birthing canal & had bruises all the way up both arms from my blood transfusions. i said ‘mom….that’s the LAST thing on my mind right now’. fast forward to starting to workout… i wasn’t cleared until 6 months bc of complications. when i started the gym i was explaining i hadn’t worked out bc i just had a baby & the dr just cleared me. the lady said ‘oh congratulations! how old?’ i said ‘7 months’…she snickered & said ‘well that’s not JUST having a baby. i think youve had plenty of time.’😤 🤯 😳”

CAN YOU BELIEVE THESE?!

THESE ARE FROM WOMEN, YA’LL.

i didn’t have the chance to talk w/ the woman who said that to me, & honestly, i think she meant it to come from a good place.
she was complimenting me on how she was impressed i looked the way i did after having a kid.
does that mean a lot?
of course!
am i working hard to find my physical strength again?
yep!
do i appreciate the words of affirmation?
absolutely!
do i need them?
not at all.

i know i’ve talked about how annoyed i’d get when i was losing weight due to my pcos shit & ppl would comment “omg you’re looking good” as if i hadn’t before i lost weight.

ppl who didn’t know was i was going through didn’t know that i was doing it for health reasons.
that i was changing my diet due to my hormones hating what i was feeding them.

regardless of your situation…

yknow what a woman wants to hear?
or any human, for that matter…

“you’re looking strong“.

so w/ that mentality i went to our little itty bitty green room & said fuck it.
i’m strong!

(cameo of my breast pump too!)

YOU are strong.
YOU are capable of whatever you want to do w/ your body.

wanna lose weight?
cool.
wanna go to the gym?
good for you.
wanna gain muscle?
awesome.
wanna maintain how ya feel already?
do it.

but do it for you.
do all the things to be your best self.

all the things we want to do, we have to be consistent at.
even when we talk to ourselves.

be consistent at speaking to ourselves the way we would want to be spoken to.
be consistent at loving ourselves the way we would want to be loved.

i saw this on a friends story the other day & had to steal it:

our mental practices should be just as consistent as our physical.

what I AM taking out of this weeks’ post is a little something a friend taught me today.

sit back & think of these 2 things: intention & impression.

the next time something is said to us that could make us feel like shit or super defensive, let’s look at those 2 things! 🙂

family

TakaraLeave a comment

every family member in a family has a different experience while being IN the family.
ex: bc my sister & i were brought up by the same parents doesn’t mean our experience as daughters was the same.

the same goes for our parents.
ex: just bc my mom is 1/2 of the parental unit doesn’t mean her parenting experience is the same as my dad’s.

dynamics can be crazy.
life can be crazy.

but at the end of the day…
we’re family.

we have each other to fall back on.
we have each other to ask for advice.
we have each other to be taken care of.
we have each other to support.
we have each other to pray for.
we have each other to visit.
we have each other to hug.
we have each other to love.

i am so thankful for my family.

i am so grateful to have my mom & dad to call/text/visit whenever i want.
when we almost lost my dad 2 years ago, that put many current priorities of mine into perspective.
my parents are local to me…
yes, it’s a 35-40 min drive…
but…
there is absolutely NO reason for me to go days/weeks w/o seeing them.
& yes…
i’m busy…
but am in the car at least once a day?
yep…
so there is absolutely NO reason for me to go days w/o talking to them.

the same goes for alayna, my younger sister.
she’s in nashville.
the technology we have now can allow us to literally see each other.
send gifs.
send memes.
send videos.
send pictures.
send voice memos.
facetime.
(but not leave voicemails bc who does that nowadays? jk)

my family’s journey has changed every year for the last decade.

from my divorce to my dad’s first cancer diagnoses.
from my sisters move to a different state to me traveling for work all the time.
from my mom’s cancer scare to our dog, koda, being attacked & almost not making it.
from finding my soulmate to losing our son.
from almost losing my dad to sepsis to being diagnosed again.
from getting pregnant again & safely having their 1st grandbaby & niece; our daughter.

i mean…
the list could keep going.
but the list could keep going just as much as life does.
life keeps going.
& i am so thankful we’ve had each other to do life with.

i don’t take that lightly.
i know we’re not here forever.
i know we have a limited amount of time on this earth.
& i know i’m the luckiest & most blessed to have the family here that i do.

thank you mom, dad, sister, husband, pups & baby girl.
thank you for this family.
thank you for this completion thus far.
i take out love…
everyday.
selfless, crazy, spacey, love.

below are some of the sweetest photos i think we’ve ever taken.
thank you wings of glory, for once again, capturing our family.